The department of advice and complaints (DAAC)

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The DAAC is an absurdist, stationary act that involves a fully-equipt office, staffed by advice professionals and complaints experts. The DAAC has two counters: "Advice", for those seeking guidance, and "Complaints" for those who need to let things off their chest. 

Advice:

 At the "Advice" counter, accomplished and practiced advice consultants will carefully consider the requests for advice and will issue top-notch, competent, topic-appropriate, and deft advice, including an official certificate of advice issuance, guaranteed by the DAAC itself! 

Individually tailored advice is issued to applicants on official DAAC high-quality sheets of paper, proven time and time again to be the best method for issuing and carrying advice. Also, they can be turned into a hat, a boat, or many smaller pieces of paper. 

Complaints:

At the "Complaints" counter, skilled and experienced complaints pundits will thoughtfully hear and study any and all grievances, which they will then record, annotate, stamp, collated, copy, scan, fax, stamp, evaluate, stamp again, and certify to the highest level of competence, before they will issue an official certificate of complaint registration, guaranteed by the DAAC itself! 

Each complaint is recorded on paper, then stamped, certified, collated, itemized, filed, and eventually scanned and published online for all to see.